Posted on June 15, 2019

I won't lie... 2019 has been by far the worst year of my life! On March 9, 2019, I lost my LOVE, the peas to my carrots, the yin to my yang, the one who found something in me I could not find, my BABY LOVE! He fought a tough fight for 5 years.. The Doctor threw everything she had at him and hurt him bad! But he got back up time and time again. We knew eventually the Mantle Cell would win. I called it our version of the Whack-A-Mole game. He would get better, andbadly then we would just wait for IT to rear its ugly head—his gremlin.

He was the strongest, most stubborn man I have ever known. Every day, he got up and went to work, regardless of how he felt, in sweltering heat and frigid cold. He worked EVERY DAY, right up to the end. He taught me to "put on my big girl pants," wipe away my tears, and MOVE forward. As we embarked on this journey, our "New Normal," we made a pact! He would get better, and I'd do the rest. And that I did! As time went on, I began to watch him die before my eyes. I stopped traveling to stay close to home, going with him to ALL of his appointments because we just NEVER KNEW when the mole would rear its UGLY head... and because NO ONE FIGHTS ALONE!

I wanted us to be able to make the most of the GOOD days and lay low, as needed, on the BAD! Before he passed, I made him 3 PROMISES...

1. He wouldn't die alone.
2. I wouldn't fight with his son.
3. I'd be OK.

Little did I know how HARD it would be to keep my WORD!

I stayed by his side during his hardest battle—the one we both knew he couldn't win! I was there as he took his last breath, holding his cold hand and giving his cold lips one last kiss at 5:34 am, and then I was ALONE!

Little did I know when I made the second promise that the son who had been my "friend" would turn on me, saying "IT'S ALL MINE"! This has been a TOUGH one to walk out of! I'm trying to keep my heart from becoming hard and hate Gary for allowing THIS to happen; he had PROMISED me! It was hard enough to grieve the loss of the man I loved, but to also hunt for an apartment, get a car, pack, and leave the place I had worked SO HARD to make our home. At times, life has felt ALMOST unlivable. The weight of each day... just CRUSHING! People would say you're so STRONG. My response: Nah, I just keep waking up every morning, so I HAVE NO CHOICE! Bringing me to today. THANKS for the prayers, WORDS of encouragement, and HUGS from many folks! I am HAPPY TO report I have purchased a car AND found an apartment! Now to begin the process of moving forward Hence, my current creation.

I really struggled with it, tearing it apart many times. Letting it sit for days on end, pondering my next move. Each time, I got a little bit closer to what I had envisioned. Sometimes I didn't even really know what I wanted, but with the help of friends and verbalizing what I couldn't see in my head, I found my path. The finishing touch was being a part of the bracelet I wore for 5 years: No One Fights Alone! It somehow ended up on top of my piece, and I KNEW it was meant to be. This piece is VERY symbolic of what I have gone through in these last three months. I knew it was meant to be, even through the struggle! And I LOVE IT! Now it's my time! It's time to try and figure out where I'd like the next chapter of my life to take me while just TRYING to keep in some type of forward movement, even if it may ONLY be the smallest of steps. I am just waiting for the day when the thick cloud of grief will lift and I will once again be "Happy Go Lucky Lynne," as Gary would call me.

I want to FLY.

Gary J. Hale

I will miss you every day for the rest of my life! ... the part of me that's YOU will NEVER DIE! Today is my 56th birthday, and as I sit here and reflect on my life and how hard this journey has been, I'd do it ALL OVER AGAIN!

Products Used:

•  A Vintage Girl 
• Alphanumeric Alpha Set 
• Chipboard Bricks Chipboard  
• Set Printer's Tray "trinket" Chipboard Set 
• Eggplant
• Marine
• Buff
• Medieval
• Penny
• The Crafter's WorkshopWhite Gesso
• Grecian Gold Modeling Paste